I will go ahead and give a disclaimer – this is a post about something I’m really struggling with right now. Positive vision.
The last few weeks, even months, have been full of disappointments. Both personal and relational. The older I become, the more I am aware of the sins of those around me, and the sins of myself. This has made it hard for me to invest fully into the lives of those around me and the spiritual ‘mutualness’ of people – if that makes any sense. In other words, I struggle with people who claim Christ as their Savior, yet live, intentionally, lives that say otherwise. I quickly become the judge of their soul, rather than the friend to their heart. This is something that I’ve wrestled with ever since my early teenage years. Being raised in a godly Christian home, with the advantage of being homeschool for most of my life, I – even thought I don’t ‘regret’ it – was pretty sheltered from the realness of this world. Once I saw things in this world that put a bad taste in my mouth, my conscience and my heart said to flee. So, I would. This is not so easy to do – nor should it always be the case, as an adult, however. We are not asked, but TOLD in Scripture to BE the salt and light to this fallen and dark world. How can one BE salt and light if one instead chooses to completely hide in the shadows of their comfort zone? They can’t. I can’t.
This particular season of my life has brought much sadness. Dear friends left our church, dear friends are getting ready to move half way across the USA, a dear friend had a miscarriage. Family members are struggling, some family members are suffering. I feel a somewhat ‘emotional persecution’ for simply not changing my mind, my actions or my beliefs for what I believe in, Truth. It’s been a very whirling, tossing, nauseating last few months. Months full of change of which I didn’t see coming, nor did I want. Today, I had a sudden epiphany, that I – ultimately – have NO control over life circumstances. Shocking, I know. You would think that I would be grateful for this fact – that I would feel less ‘pressure’ or burden, but rather I get a sense of helplessness and uneasiness.
This next season of my life brings many changes, as well. Good changes – exciting changes! I am getting ready to start a new job that has to do with my favorite age group (PreK) AND teaching music, James is going to 4-day Preschool, Peter is entering 2nd grade, I have a bunch of new students coming on board in the Fall, my Thursday morning Bible Study is beginning a new book (that’s big news for us …. we know how to extend just about anything!), our Youth Group will be gaining a few more new faces, my sister is going to have her FIRST baby, a little boy (Owen) in September – I’LL FINALLY BE AN AUNT! Tim and I are talking house addition starting the beginning of next year. Lots of new and exciting things.
With all of the ‘good’ in my life, why do I allow the ‘bad’ things to completely overshadow the good? I fear that even if there were only one or two things on the ‘bad’ list, and a dozen or more things on the ‘good’ list, I would still – somehow – focus merely on the bad. Why do I do this? Sin. Plain and simple. Worry is a good, close friend of mine. Even when the situation may have absolutely NOTHING to do with me, personally, I make it a personal goal of mine to take on the responsibility of worrying for someone else’s sake. I don’t know why. I need worry to be an enemy. I need to flee from that. I need to hate it, badly.
Philippians 4:8 – Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things.