Funny Convo’s with James

James: Mom, why do you have to go to the eye doctor?

Mom: Because, that’s just something people have to do when they get older.

James: Well, I don’t think you’re old, Mom……you’re not even DEAD yet!

– – – – – – – – – – – – –

James: Mom, where does the baby come OUT?

Mom: (silence) Um …..

James: Does he come out of your MOUTH?

Mom: I can honestly tell you that babies do NOT come out of Mommy’s mouths.

James: Then, where do they come out?

Mom: God created Mommy’s with special ….. body parts to give birth to their babies … parts just for Mommys

James: So, boys don’t have them?

Mom: No, they sure don’t.

James: So ….

Mom: (interrupt) How about mac & cheese for dinner?? ¬†(distraction successful) ūüôā

– – – – – – – – – – –

James: Mom, was there a punishment for Adam and Eve when they sinned in the garden?

Mom: Oh, yes there was. ¬†Man was told that he would have to work really hard, and sweat while he works to make sure there’s enough food to feed his family and he would have to do that all of his life. ¬†The woman was going to have pain during delivering her babies.

James: So, they were the only ones that got in trouble …. the serpent didn’t get in trouble?

Mom: Oh, no … he got in trouble too.

James: What was his punishment?

Mom: Well, he was told that he was going to be feared by men, they would want to kill him ¬†(snakes), he would try to bite people and also he lost his legs and had to get around on his belly from then on. ¬†Can you believe that snakes used to have legs? ¬†If you think about it, all of God’s creation has legs …. giraffes, elephants, tigers, cats, dogs …..

James: (thinking) ….. So, did the SNAILS sin too?

(of course, he thought of the OTHER animal that crawls around on his belly!)

– – – – – – – – – – – –

I picked out a shirt for him to wear to a church event, just a solid color shirt with different colored stripes …. his response to the shirt I picked out, in his words, were ….. “Mom, can I wear a shirt that’s a little more predictable?” ¬†(he’s 5, by the way!) ūüôā

– – – – – – – – – – – –

(Passing a large cemetery)
James: Wow, Mom! A lot of people died here. It almost looks like a garage sale.
Mom: What?
James: You know, if garage sales sold stones.
Of course.

– – – – – – – – – – – –

I could hear violent page turning coming from the back of the car, so I asked James what he was doing …. he said, “I just love Jesus SO much that I wanted to find ALL of His pictures in my Bible book!”

– – – – – – – – – – – –

James, after seeing the baby’s ultrasound picture said to me,

James: “Mom ….. the baby looks stripey”

Mom: …… the baby looks STRIPEY? ¬†What do you mean?”

James: “Look at all of those black and white stripes”

Mom: “Oh, yea … you’re right. ¬†It does look a little bit like that”

….(pause) ….

James: “Mom??? ¬†Are you going to have a baby ZEBRA??”

 

A ‘James’ Story

There are many things that have now been referenced to as a ‘James’ – as though it were a verb instead of a noun. ¬†For instance …. falling off of a chair just by sitting still, eating a yogurt and spilling the entire thing all over his clothes before his first bite, cutting his own hair just 3 days after a professional haircut, throwing a ball into the air to kick it only to have the ball hit him in the face (knocking him over) …. such things as those examples! ¬†It’s become quite the ‘household’ name!

Recently, my hubby asked if I wouldn’t mind going to a parts supply store to pick up a part we had special ordered for our sink, a week prior. ¬†Now – for you moms – you know, ‘wouldn’t mind’ has a completely NEW meaning when you know for a fact that you’ll be taking the kids wherever you ‘wouldn’t mind’ going! ¬†That puts things under severe consideration in my house. ¬†Mostly, because we are blessed with an obstacle, named James. ¬†However hair pulling, mind blowing, jaw-drop-embarrassing things may get with him …. I look back over these kinds of posts – MUCH later – and laugh to tears! ¬†It’s TOTALLY worth it in my book! ¬†Anyhow, after much pleading threatening the children to PLEASE not touch ANYTHING ….. explaining to them that this is a ‘man store’ ….. all they sell is parts. ¬†No toys. ¬†I even described to them the smell which they will experience with a man-operated storehouse. ¬†As we walked in, I instructed the kids to just sit quietly and wait while I pay for the part. ¬†While the man is writing up my receipt, James puts both hands on the counter and tilts his head and says to him, “So, is it really true that ALL you guys sell here is BOY PARTS?” ¬†Now, I’m not sure how ‘mans store’, ‘no toys’, ‘only parts’ and ‘bad smell’ turned into ‘they only sell boy parts’ …. but, it sure got the entire store into an uproar of laughter!

After 23 different shades of red, my face did eventually turn back to it’s normal-pasty-whiteness and we were ready to hit the road ….. but, not until James – in attempting to get off his seat – fell WITH the chair, tumbling himself and chair together in one fell swoop. ¬†Instead of crying, being embarrassed, complaining of being hurt or turning around to PICK UP the chair …. James jumps to his feet (as though a sergeant had yelled, “Atten – tion!”) and quickly spits out, “That was an accident, right mom, right? ¬†I won’t be in big trouble, right mom? ¬†Because that was just an accident, right mom, right?” ¬†My, oh my. ¬†I have my hands full. ¬†But, I sure love it!

IMG_1128

James and His Mad Art Skills

This totally threw me in a daze …. apparently – unbeknownst to me – he learned to write my name. ¬†He had asked a friend of mine, from church, how to spell my name. ¬†As she went through each letter, he would ask “How do you spell that?”. ¬†Well, for example, she said “First you write a ‘M’….” ¬†James would then ask, “How do you spell ‘M’?” …. what a turkey.

James’ Artwork from School:

Needing Attention

On our way to school, James wasn’t saying a word . . . now, if you know anything about James, you know that this DOESN’T happen, at least not very often. ¬†So, I asked him, “James – are you ok?” ¬†He replied, “Yea. ¬†I’m just ssswweeet!”
What a ham!
He has really been wanting some ‘extra’ attention, now that Peter is at school all day. ¬†I think he’s a little bored and lonely, so, here’s some pictures that he insisted that I take!

Just look at those dimples!

What????

Mom: Now, James ¬†. . . you’re going to be good for your swim teacher tomorrow, right?

James: Oh, Yes!!!

Mom:  How much good?

(holds his arms out as wide as he can) James: This much good . . like a ton of computers.  -[whatever THAT means!]

Mom: James . . when you get married, someday, to a pretty girl, and they have a Mother-Son dance, you make sure to dance with me, ok?

James: Oh, yes I will. ¬†You’ll always be my Mommy-Girl.

While visiting my Grandma in the hospital . . the boys brought her a picture that they each colored for her. ¬†After a couple minutes passed, James turned around to see a ‘potty chair’ sitting next to her bed. ¬†He, of course, asked what it was. ¬†My Grandma told him that it was a big potty chair. ¬†He exaimened it for a brief moment, and then responded, “How do you flush?” ¬†Oh, my.

Peter: Mom, can I have the remote?

Mom: Why do you need the remote? ¬†You know you’re not allowed to watch TV today.

Peter: I know.  I am just going to pretend.

Mom: You’re going to pretend that you’re watching TV?

Peter:  Yeah, you know how it is.

James: MOM!  Is it time to take the alligator???

Mom: What??

Peter: No, James . . . it’s not an alligator, it’s an ELEVATOR!

Mom:  Wow. . . thanks, Pete.  I had NO idea what he was talking about!

James, oh James

Yesterday, Tim worked all day in the garage, giving all of our cars oil changes. ¬†I stayed inside, for the most part, tidying up things around the house. ¬†Peter had been outside helping Tim while James took his nap, and then once James got up, we had Peter take a nap (the summer months are catching up to his little body!). ¬†Now, for being only 3 years old, we knew that James wasn’t going to be able to ‘help out’ as much as Peter . . . so, when Tim asked him if he wanted to help Daddy outside, he was ecstatic! ¬† He said, “Yes!!! ¬†Daddy . . high-five for the workers” and they high-fived each other. ¬†It was pretty stinking cute! ¬†As soon as they went outside, for James’ first task he was asked to hand Tim a box with a lightweight filter in it. ¬†Not only did I have to explain the colors on the box, but I had to show him what it looked like, where it was in the garage and then physically hand it to James to give to Tim. ¬†So, there wasn’t a whole lot of actual ‘work’ on James’ part, yet. ¬†Once he finished his exhausting work, he went inside, where I found him playing with his cars. ¬†I told him that he had two choices (and I don’t know why I still give my kids choices, it’s really quit a waste of my time) I told him that he could either go back outside to ‘help’ Dad or he could go with me to Sams Club. ¬†He thought about it and thought about it. ¬†He replied, “Um, I’m really tired from all of the working, so I just want to stay inside and chill out”. ¬†Where do they get this stuff???

Dee-Dee (aka: Aunt Caralee) stopped by with Uncle David for a quick visit. ¬†James was, as usual, in his high chair destroying his dinner. ¬†After Dee-Dee greeted the boys she mentioned that she’s not staying very long. ¬†James asked if she was leaving by herself, so she explained that she and Uncle David had to leave, because the were late for their next event of the day. ¬†James said, “Wait, Dee-Dee! ¬†I need you to stay for 5 minutes!!!”. ¬†She laughed and said that she couldn’t because they were already behind their schedule. ¬†James put both hands up in the air and shouted, “Dee-Dee, I really need you to NOT go by-by right now!”. ¬†He’s very expressionistic with his hands, which I think he got from Grandma Weldon ūüôā

At church, in between the two services, we allow the kids to have one donut during the donut/coffee hour. ¬†Tim usually takes them into the sanctuary where they can focus and eat with minimal mess or clean up. ¬†Tim had to run off somewhere, so I sat with the boys. ¬†Now, most of the older men of our church enjoy giving our boys high fives on each Sunday. ¬†It’s super sweet and the boys really feel like part of the church body¬†– it’s also a ‘guy thing’, for sure! ¬†So, while I sat there, and James finished his donut (and part of mine), I asked James to please throw away my napkin. ¬†He walked around for a while, looking for (one of FOUR) trash cans in the foyer. ¬†Tim saw one of our ushers reach out to James to give him give a high-five – James just looked at him and turned to walk away. ¬†Tim stopped him in his tracks and pointed to the man and said “James . . . excuse me, he’s trying to do something”. ¬†James turned to the man, looked at him, looked at his hand and kindly handed him his trash. ¬†Later, after we all had a good laugh, I went up to the guy and handed him a $ and said, “Apparently, we have to tip you guys now!” ¬†(hee hee)

No Explanation . . .

On our way to school, we passed a car accident that had just happened. ¬†I mentioned to the kids that those cars were just in an accident and Peter said “That was so cool . . did you see that pillowcase?” ¬†I ¬†had a chance to ¬†explain to Peter that car accidents aren’t cool at all, and that it wasn’t a pillowcase, it was the person’s airbag. ¬†We talked about car accidents and how scary they can be. ¬†James didn’t say a word during the entire conversation (which hardly EVER happens!) and just say and listened. ¬†I dropped Peter off for school and headed back home. ¬†While passing the cars once again, we noticed that one of the victim’s of the accident was being put onto a stretcher. ¬†James pipped up, “Mom ¬†. . are they broken?” ¬†I told him that he may be ‘broken’ and that we should pray for the people in this car accident. ¬†So, we prayed. ¬†James prayed, “Dear Jesus, help those people to not be broke anymore”. ¬† A couple minutes later, he spoke up again, with the most strangest question I’ve even heard come out of his little mouth . . .

¬†¬†So, it would be wrong to run our car into Grandma’s house and knock it over into a pond where the sharks are and have it in a aligator’s mouth?

Where he gets some of these things that go through his young little mind, is just beyond me!!!